I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
And then he peed in my hair
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