True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
