Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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