is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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