Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
