went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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