I can't breathe out the right side of my face
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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