I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
