I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
