3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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