Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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