What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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