Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Damn victory sex feels great
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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