My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
