I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
