do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
