if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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