our cab driver is having phone sex.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
