I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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