its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You made out with two different species that night
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
