i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
