I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
