I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize