a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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