Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
