There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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