You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
