i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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