Your face is a jimmy john
I just pynch a tree in the face
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
