I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
