woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
