no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
