i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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