lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i've created a new STD.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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