I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
