Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
