Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
