You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
