PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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