porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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