my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
