He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
