the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
