just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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