I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
