Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
