Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
