U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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