Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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