Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
