You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
