i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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