You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
