Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
