Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
