escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
