Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
