i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Randomize
