ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
