either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
