i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
