Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
