I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
