If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
