So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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