Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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