Where did you get a picture of my penis
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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