There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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