Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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