I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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