He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
