she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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