I didn't shave. On purpose
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
