And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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