so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
