I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
