He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
