Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
