I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize