Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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