I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
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