I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
