somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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