I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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